I didn't know what I wanted to do or be when I "grew up" until I was 25 years old...
Isn't that what growing up is though? Figuring out who you are, and what kind of life you want to live? For most of my life, I thought I would just be a mom and that would be that. The reality was, I got married when I was 20 years old. I wasn't ready to have kids, let alone could my husband and I afford to have kids. I needed to work, but I had no clue what kind of career to pursue.
I remember, when the "creative" parts of me came alive. I've always been somewhat of a control freak, and living in the grey areas of life is NOT my forte. I never would have told you that I was creative until high school, 15 years old. I had to write a paper for school that forced me to think deep about love, and I thought that paper was going to be the death of me. I ended up getting a 100% on it, and I remember thinking I had learned something new about myself, and how to think. The following year, I had to study poetry (which I despised) and it forced me to think outside the box even more. Poetry = GREY AREA. I hated every second of it. I'm not a conceptual thinker, and poetry made my brain spin. But, working through the misunderstanding brought more color to my world and widened my thinking yet again. Senior year, I had a boyfriend who would get canvas at the craft store and paint, just for fun. I had never done that before, or even thought of doing that, and I loved it. I was kind of good at it, too. Creating just to create brought a certain calm to my brain that was life giving and inspiring. In college, I signed up for a pottery class that I thought I was going to get a homemade coffee mug out of. The first day, I walked in, and it was a sculpture class. Everyone else was good, like REALLY good. I had literally never touched clay in my life. It ended up being one of those moments I felt a piece of me grow. I felt that calm again, that filling up of my soul that creating and learning does. I also remember the day, at 25, when I was set free from the "rules" in my head about how life was supposed to be and what I can or can't do. The day I said out loud that I was going to open my own store and start my own business. That creative part of me was looking for a way out, and for the first time I felt like I had something to pursue that I was excited about. I wasn't just dreaming anymore, I believed I could do it.
I was really scared and excited all at the same time. I had no idea what I was doing. I didn't finish college, and the college I did complete was definitely not related to fashion or design or even business. The only experience I have in fashion, design, or business is a year's worth of working at a small boutique where I got some boutique basics I could have read on the internet. I'm not discounting the real life experience - that did help. But what I'm trying to say here is there is nothing special about my skills other than I spend everyday learning, growing, and working through the things I don't know in order to do what I want to do. I had the dream, and decided to just figure it out along the way.
And now I own an online store called Cloth Shop.
I think there is a lie going around that in order to do what you love you have to know it all already, or you have to have a piece of paper saying you are qualified. Anything you do in life requires a learning period. You will not be great at something the first time you do it, and I think that is the beautiful thing about life. There is always room to change, grow, and become better. You have to do the work. You have to take the time to try.
Doubt kills more dreams than failure ever will.
You are free to do whatever it is that you want to do.
But you'll have to work for it.
What's the idea you can't get out of your head? What makes you come alive? I'm not saying it will be easy, because it won't. It's really hard, and it takes a lot of time, and you will have to sacrifice a lot of things. Some days you may even hate it, and wonder why you're doing it in the first place. You may not even be successful (whatever that means) and it may just always be a side thing you pour your heart into. But, if that's what brings you life, if that is how you give your gifts to the world, then who cares? Whether my company only makes enough money to pay my grocery bill every month, or it makes a million dollars I'm proud of what I've created. I put my whole heart into this, and that part of me that came alive when I learned poetry and painting is now alive every single day.
Whatever it is inside your head that is telling you you can't do it. Shut it off. You are capable of so much more than you know, and I'm here to tell you it's worth trying.